Responsibility
Becoming a Love & Logic Parent
Responsibility
“Early in a child’s life, love is shown through protection. As a child grows, parents must make a transition to allow the child to solve his or her own problems, make decisions, and control self.”
What a fun class we had!! We doubled in size and everyone was so attentive and excited to learn! I know you went home with lots of ideas to try. Take it slow and experiment with what you learned.
Reflections
Responsibility is such an important characteristic that shapes you and your child’s life. Remember to allow your child the opportunity to make mistakes and the chance to learn from it! When struggle from bad decisions, not only do they learn valuable lessons but develop confidence and the capability to handle any sort of setback.
Real life example of improving responsibility:
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Child leaves bike outside over night. The parent wants to remind them to bring it in for the hundredth time, but allows for the child to experience the consequence of a stolen bike. If a bike is stolen, the child experience the natural consequence of losing a valuable possession and then has to pay for a new bike with chores or allowance. Do you think he/she will think twice about leaving the bike outside again? How many times do you have to warn, remind or threaten before your child is internally motivated to make a good decision? ”When it’s the child’s decision, it also needs to be the child’s consequence.”
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Cleaning their room and reminders go hand in hand. An effective way to self motivate and get the child thinking is to say, “Feel free to pick up what you would like to keep. What I pick up, I get to keep.”
One of two things may happen. The child thinks, I don’t want to loose any of my toys. But most likely a child still doesn’t clean up their room. Then share with your child, “I will accept allowance or chores to pay for the toys that I picked up.” The fun part is watching the child pick up his/her room without reminders the next time you use that enforceable statement! Who knew discipline could be so much fun!
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Not completing homework or following through with responsibilities at home. ”I treat kids to ice cream who complete their homework by 5:00.” Allow for the child to experience the consequence of missing out on ice cream if homework is not completed. Don’t forget to use empathy!! “Oh, that is sad your not finished. I can’t wait for you to join us for ice cream tomorrow at 5:00.” Then try it again tomorrow! Watch how the child starts to think about his/her choices.
We also learned a very effective parenting skill called empathy. L&L parents show empathy or sadness when the child gets him or herself in a difficult situation and before a consequence is delivered. This will send the message that it is a sad situation, but you are capable of solving this problem. Remember to develop your own empathetic statement that feel natural to you.
Some examples are: “Wow, what a bummer, How sad, or Oh no.” Write them down and practice saying this statement over and over. Wait for a chance to use it and say it each time your child makes a mistake. By doing this, the parent is the loving authority figure or the “good guy” and the bad decision remains the “bad guy”. Empathy sends the message that, even though we don’t put up with bad behavior, we still love our children!
Something to think about:
Think about an experience in your childhood that prepared you for the real world. Why was the lesson good for you, and what did you learn from it? When was the last time your child had an experience that taught a valuable lesson? How can empathy build relationships with your children?
Pearls of Wisdom
Oh how lucky you are to have made a mistake. I can’t wait to see how wise you become!
Homework
Parenting with Love and Logic, Chapters 1-5 Workbook, Module 1 Share your experiences, questions, comments below.